Scanxiety: a poem by Sophie Mc Cluskey

 The date is in the diary 

And now your mind searches for signs, 

Thinking,

Did I walk that far without getting out of breath before? 

Reassurances from your family,

It's going to be fine, right? 

Predictions,

Even when they arise from reason 

Don't hold any weight,

For the simple truth you learnt 

The day of your diagnosis-

Anything can happen in this life.

You’ve become a little superstitious, 

You harbour a little doubt,

The waves of worry going in and out. 

The results are already written in the stars, 

You fear the constellation cancer,

But, the only sign you need 

Is the beating of your heart,

Today you are alive. 

Sophie Mc Cluskey

August 2023

For any cancer patient our regular scans punctuate the rhythm of our lives.  We live from one to the next, often in 3 monthly intervals. The anxiety that accompanies each scan is variable, unpleasant and to be endured.  We invited Sophie Mc Cluskey to share her personal experience of scanxiety. Sophie, a poet, was diagnosed with EGFR+ Lung cancer in 2021 when she was 24 years old. 

“Firstly a big ‘thank you’ for asking if I would share some more poetry! Given that like many of us, I have scans every 2 months, they have become part and parcel of my life and I found it interesting to delve into the thoughts, feelings and even habits that have now arisen around those times. 

Expressing ourselves through art and writing can foster a sense of connection with others. These creations become bridges, linking experiences, fostering empathy, and establishing a sense of shared resilience. For others battling cancer or those supporting their loved ones, your art and your words could serve as a beacon that they are not alone and it’s my hope that my poem may do that even with just one of you! 

Angela is always looking to provide more safe spaces for us to share our art and voices and I feel very honoured to be a part of this group. 

In the face of cancer, you are much more than a patient; you are a storyteller, an artist, a vibrant expression of life itself. The journey may be overwhelming, but through art and writing, you can illuminate the darkest corners, making it a little lighter, a bit more bearable, and profoundly human.”